Friday, 26 February 2016

The New Roo

So here I am.

Still the same Roo, but actually not at all because it was FL who first called me Roo and he has gone now.
Ouf!  It crashes over me in icy waves.


Official communications from banks and utility providers tell me to take my time - there is no rush to update account names.  But there is.  I just want to have it done so I don't receive envelopes with his name on them.  Although that can be oddly comforting too - that means he is still here.  He lives at the top of the hill, under the tree.  I whisper goodbye every time I drive past.


Enough.

This is supposed to be my fresh start, a new place to explore my creativity and find out who I am.

What have I been doing?




I have been spinning.
I finished a two-ply light fingering weight yarn using Fondant Fibre Fuzzlings in the colourway "Popsicle".
It is grey / blue merino with shots of neon pink, yellow and silver sparkle.  It has spun up into a very smooth and fine wool, surprising me with its soft and fluffy edge.


I knew I wanted to knit it into a shawl and set to work straightaway to make myself an Ellipses by Romi Hill.  I first saw this pattern made out of handspun on the Yarnivore Podcast by the wonderful Sadie and I knew I had to have it.

You start by making cords and tassels, one to attach to each corner at the end.
Then knit knit knit until you are done - perfect!
This is the soothing knit I need in my life right now.
 

I have not been doing any other knitting.
I abandoned the socks I began in the hospice - I came to loathe them.
I haven't yet cast on another pair.
I have not given up on my Vivid blanket - I keep a square-in-progress in my bag in case I get time to knit at lunchtime, now I am back at work.  It just hasn't happened yet.
 

The Girl was here for half-term.  She was a hive of creative industry, working hard on her sketchbook and pattern-cutting assignments for college.  This inspired me to get out my sewing machine.
 


I drafted a raglan top, based on a 1970's pattern that was originally two sizes too big for me. Something went wrong with my drafting adjustments and despite sewing a test garment, I appear to have made a Star Trek uniform top that slithers upwards to form an unattractive funnel neck.  However, I have a scarf in the same shade of magenta which covers up the danger zone.  I wore it to work today and nobody was any the wiser - score!

 
My next sewing project is an Archer shirt (or two).
I think it will add a smarter edge to my work wardrobe.
Though I also rather fancy a flannel one for home wear...?
 

The trouble is, I don't know what I like anymore. 
My identity was shaped so much by my relationship with FL and being the person he loved and who loved him.  That entailed some compromises.  And now I can't remember who I was before I was His Roo.
 
Simply having "less stuff" is not the answer.
I may have overdone the decluttering in recent weeks.
Ahem.

 
On a positive note, however:

 
  • I realised that I can listen to any music I want and nobody will complain.
  • I can eat what I like, when I want to eat it.
  • I can watch a podcast with my laptop on the breakfast table.
  • I can listen to an audiobook in bed.
  • I don't have to have the subtitles on and the sound switched off anymore.
  • I can spin fibre in the colourway "Running with Zombies" without having to explain why that makes me laugh...
 
This sudden freedom is quite unnerving.


The only thing stopping me from running away (from zombies) and joining the  knitterly foreign legion is Hero.
That stinky old dog is keeping me grounded.
He has his uses.
 
 

60 comments:

  1. Ruth it's good to see you back. I like the "running with zombies" it makes me laugh as well. I'm planning on sewing a shirt myself - but I went with the Sewaholic Granville shirt. Just a bit more fitted. I also treated myself to Ron Collin's Shirtmaker book last Christmas as a resource (I believe my husband seems to think I will be sewing HIM shirts, somehow). But before all that, I have costumes to sew - my high school (I'm a teacher) is putting on "Fiddler on the Roof" and I'm almost done sewing and creating.
    Take care - good to read you again. Keep taking care of yourself.

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  2. Such a wonderful beginning to being the new Roo! Carry on. And I would gently suggest, don't declutter those socks you started at the hospice just yet, even though you hate them now. Some day, returning to finish them may feel very different, and better. They are an homage to great love and inspired caregiving. In any case, I trust your decision, and I am wishing you all the best in new creative projects and processes!

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  3. It's so nice to hear from The New Roo! I'll look forward to reading of your adventures, sewing and otherwise as you start this new chapter. XO

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  4. Great start to your new blog - beautiful spinning and colours. I'm amused at your 'positive notes', so true even in our loving relationships that their is always an element of compromise. I feel you will find yourself again and look forward to reading your new blog and seeing your creations. All the best.

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  5. It's nice to see you in your new "home", and your yarn spinning, and your knitting! Colours are good even if some of it involves zombies!

    I found it interesting to read about you wondering what your style is now that FL is gone. I think life "transitions" can do that to us. For me it was my recent retirement. I think I spent most of last year sewing away my exploration on "my style" and I think now I've finally settled on something that suits me and my personality. Needless to say I have a few things to pass on!

    I'm glad Hero is there to keep you grounded. ;-) Take care.

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  6. I am so pleased to hear from you and read about your new "Roo". I have been thinking about you a lot. x x

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  7. Happy new beginning, Roo. So lovely to see your projects and hear how you are doing. Take good care of yourself.

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  8. Happy new home! Lovely to hear how and what you are up to. x

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  9. There you are! Glad you're back. Take all the time you need to discover who you will become in this next part of your life. You deserve the time to explore.

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  10. There you are! Glad you're back. Take all the time you need to discover who you will become in this next part of your life. You deserve the time to explore.

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  11. Welcome back, Roo! I'm glad Hero is living up to his name. You're spinning looks great - looking forward to seeing that Start Trek top, too 😄

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  12. good to see you back roo. i have been thinking of you and wondering how you were.maybe a bit of pinning of some style inspiration might help you get back on track and thinking about what you want to be the same in your wardrobe and what you prefer to change. lots of love to you and hero. x

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  13. Such a lovely, frank post to start this new space with! I have been thinking of you. Love the tassels from your spun wool- just beautiful! Sx

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  14. It's good to hear from you, Roo. I will be following the new blog as keenly as I followed the old one!

    It takes time to work out who you are when you have a big change in your life. I've been doing it for over a year now and all that changed for me was an improvement in my mental health! So do take all the time you need to figure things out, and remember to take good care of yourself while you do it.

    xx

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  15. It's good to hear from you!

    It all takes time. As you are aware my Dad last June. Today I used his watering can to fill up my car wiper washer bottle and I suddenly had a feeling of him being near that took my breath away for a moment.

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  16. Its good to hear from you again, I have wondered how you are getting on. I do think that making stuff is one of the best medicines and you are making such lovely stuff as always. I wish you well on your journey of self discovery!

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  17. What to say; you're wonderful either old or new. A true survivor. Keep on moving forward with laughs & smiles. Blossom and grow.

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  18. It all takes time and figuring out the loss and where and HOW to walk down the road is as much a part of the creative process as knitting or sewing or sketching. Don't let anyone hurry you along.
    All love from North Carolina!

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  19. It all takes time and figuring out the loss and where and HOW to walk down the road is as much a part of the creative process as knitting or sewing or sketching. Don't let anyone hurry you along.
    All love from North Carolina!

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  20. You have great courage, spirit and creativity. I enjoy your humour too. With very best wishes.

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  21. Yes - Catherine said it for me - courage and bravery were at the top of my list - and always humour.

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  22. Welcome to your new life. I live in Yorkshire. You keep mentioning coming here. You are always welcome K xXx

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  23. Hello, lovely! I've been looking out for you, listening, waiting. Glad to see you have resurfaced. Will be watching out for your new adventures, facing forwards but with an eye and an ear to the past. Lovely Hero too :) xxx

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  24. I like your star trek uniform, and what a beautiful colour :)

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  25. It's a strange period when you have to define yourself again. Suddenly you find yourself in teenage rebellion mode, making all sorts of daft decisions because there's nobody to stop you. Enjoy trying things out, and be gentle on yourself when you look back later!

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  26. So pleased to see you here! xo

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  27. Lovely to find your new home x the colours are marvellous, glad Hero is keeping you grounded.

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  28. Lovely to hear from you. Please be gentle with yourself. And keep on spinning that wonderful green!

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  29. Delighted to hear from you - gorgeous colours! Enjoy your spinning and knitting and podcasts at breakfast :) and cuddles for Hero!

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  30. Glad you are back. I think it's perfectly OK to be His Roo until you figure out how to be Roo. (And I reckon Hero may help you find your way as well as crafting!)

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  31. Love your positives! Keep focusing on the happy memories and positives. You are such a beautiful person.

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  32. LOvely to see you. It's also lovely and comforting to see your knitting a sewing, in such beautiful colours.
    Sending you love. x

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  33. We missed you, welcome back. I love the handspun and shawl beginnings . Have queued. The shawl:) I am feeling some of the who am I even though I am still Mrs Mog. It looms at the edge of seeing and the corner of being.

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  34. Lovely to see you back again, and creating beautiful items too - even the Star Trek uniform! Love and hugs coming your way. x

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  35. Welcome back to blogland and your fresh new home. Looking forward to seeing your lovely knits and spinnings! Glad you still have your stinky Hero. He was just that and is a link too.

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  36. Hi Roo! Looking forward to getting to know the new Yoo! (sorry...couldn't resist!!) xx

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  37. I was so, so sorry for your loss of FL and have been thinking of you. Hope that's not too weird seeing as we haven't even met... Anyway, happy to have you back :)

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  38. I was so, so sorry for your loss of FL and have been thinking of you. Hope that's not too weird seeing as we haven't even met... Anyway, happy to have you back :)

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  39. Welcome back! It's good to see you.

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  40. Fresh new blog & it's so good to see you emerging!

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  41. As a newer ready, I am happy to m e forward with you through this loss and into the chapter. Welcome to your new space. Xoxo Andrea @ This Knitted Life

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  42. It feels like some of the freshnessof Spring just landed in my inbox. Looking forward to seeing how your creativity unfurls over the coming months.

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  43. It's so nice to see you back, and although you are sad it is lovely that you can see the brighter side of your circumstance. I can understand the identity crisis, our lives and style gets very tied up in our other half's tastes and preferences, so much that we can lose our own until forced to find it again. You haven't changed though, if it helps you could think of it more as a metamorphosis, like a butterfly emerging from its dark cocoon having gone in there feeling entirely different. Life is going to be hugely altered but underneath you are the same being you were before.
    Anyway, I love what you have spun and knit, and that zombie yarn is fabulous!

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  44. Welcome back and it's so nice to see you posting again. The newly spun yarn is beautiful!

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  45. Welcome back. New Roo. Glad you made it to the other side.

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  46. Oh yes, it *is* disorienting when your person is gone. Both liberating and so so sad. Funny about the TV -- mine was a wee bit deaf, so it was a relief not to have it on FULL SOUND. Making things helps -- I'm looking at this shirt from Tessuti for my summer wardrobe: http://www.tessuti-shop.com/collections/pattern-books/products/jac-shirt-pattern-print-at-home-or-copy-shop-pdf
    I seem to find one thing per season and make several of them. My dream of a uniform lives on ...

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  47. Hi Roo, sending best wishes for your blogging in your fresh space. Beautiful colours in your yarn! Good to hear Hero is living up to his name. Star boy! Xxx

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  48. Oh I am SO GLAD you came out on the other side. We were pulling for you. Thank you for your honesty in all that came before and now I wish you continued peace AND joy to come. We'll be here following along. Love, Love, Love your handspun!

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  49. Hi :-) looking forward to enjoying the new blog... I admire your productivity! I need to figure out how to squeeze more out of my days :-) all the best to you and hoping you find what your heart and soul need to be grounded and peaceful and happy. :-)

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  50. Happy to hear from you again. You're more than a survivor - you're a thriver!

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  51. Welcome back! I shall look forward to reading the new blog just as I did the old one. Beautiful colour, by the way.

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  52. Roo, very good to see you back. I'll follow this one as closely as the other. It will take time to adjust to your new life.

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  53. Good to hear from you Roo. Take good care of yourself xxx

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  54. Lovely to have you back. These things will take time, but the New Roo will emerge eventually. Love the colours of your wools particularly the zombies one (even though I hate zombies!)

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  55. So good to hear your voice again, Roo. You write beautifully.

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  56. So glad to have you back again, and to be reading along again. You are finding your way forward.

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  57. I have been where you are. It is both liberating and unbalancing. It upset my whole 'who I am' also, but eventually things even out. It helped to have animals to care for, I couldn't be worthless; they needed me. I think of you and wish you the best. I too, will read and see how your new life unfolds. Take care.

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  58. I am looking forward to the new journey. Thinking of you x

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