Saturday, 31 December 2016
Goodbye to 2016
I hesitate to write a Year in Review post, because 2016 has been the worst and yet the best year of my life.
And to think that, let alone write that feels traitorous.
I lost the centre of my universe.
I spent the best part of 2016 spiraling wildly out of orbit, trying to make sense of who I am on my own.
Who I am.
I am not there yet.
I have caught myself repeating the old patterns, looking for FL, seeking the touchstone.
When what I really need to do is find myself.
So I have been investing in the future, my future as a single woman of a certain age who finds herself... independent.
Yeah, go on sing the song, I don't mind!
Throw Your Hands Up At Me!
The house I live in? The car I'm driving? All depend on me.
In the past few days I have taken a little more control of my life.
I bought a new(er) car that I can depend upon to stop when I hit the brakes. Always useful.
I stripped out my wardrobe (again). Because I am older, leaner, aiming to be wiser.
I replaced the saggy old undies which no longer fit.
I catalogued my yarn stash.
So many possibilities!
I joined the gym.
I fought that one for a while, not trusting myself to be doing it for the right reasons.
But today I put myself through the torture that is an "induction session" and discovered an unexpected talent for performing The Plank.
The look on my Inducer's face was priceless, after my fumbling, bumbling attempts to operate gym machinery.
It will be something to do at stupid o'clock in the morning before work, when I can't sleep and am blazing with energy.
Because that is how I am these days: ablaze.
And rather than explode, I need to set the world on fire in a controlled setting.
Write a book.
Dance it out.
Do whatever the hell it is that makes me... me.
Have a happy New Year, people.
That's my plan.