Saturday, 31 December 2016

Goodbye to 2016

I hesitate to write a Year in Review post, because 2016 has been the worst and yet the best year of my life.
And to think that, let alone write that feels traitorous.
I lost the centre of my universe.
I spent the best part of 2016 spiraling wildly out of orbit, trying to make sense of who I am on my own.
Who I am.

I am not there yet.
I have caught myself repeating the old patterns, looking for FL, seeking the touchstone.
When what I really need to do is find myself.

So I have been investing in the future, my future as a single woman of a certain age who finds herself... independent.
Yeah, go on sing the song, I don't mind!
Throw Your Hands Up At Me! 
The house I live in? The car I'm driving?  All depend on me.

In the past few days I have taken a little more control of my life.
Tiny steps.

I bought a new(er) car that I can depend upon to stop when I hit the brakes.  Always useful.

I stripped out my wardrobe (again).  Because I am older, leaner, aiming to be wiser.
I replaced the saggy old undies which no longer fit.

I catalogued my yarn stash.
So many possibilities!

I joined the gym.
I fought that one for a while, not trusting myself to be doing it for the right reasons.
But today I put myself through the torture that is an "induction session" and discovered an unexpected talent for performing The Plank.
The look on my Inducer's face was priceless, after my fumbling, bumbling attempts to operate gym machinery.
It will be something to do at stupid o'clock in the morning before work, when I can't sleep and am blazing with energy.

Because that is how I am these days:  ablaze.
And rather than explode, I need to set the world on fire in a controlled setting.

Write a book.
Dance it out.
Do whatever the hell it is that makes me... me.

Have a happy New Year, people.
That's my plan.


  1. *hugs* Roo, and best wishes for all of it!

  2. One day at a time. Bring it on 2017 and be kind to yourself K xXx

  3. Happy New Year. I've followed your journey with admiration, you've come a long way and sometimes we need to stop and take stock before moving on. You're going to be fine. May 2017 bring you contentment.

  4. I have followed your journey, and you have come far indeed. The new Roo is a pretty interesting woman with lots of talents and interests! Exploring the new can be fun and challenging, but you're doing great! Blessings in the New Year!

  5. Happy New Year Roo. You will get there!

  6. Happy New Year Roo! I have been impressed by your grace and courage this year, in trying to find the new "normal" after your loss. May 2017 be a fabulous year for you!

  7. I hope 2017 proves to be the year of the "Roo" (could anyone be less like a kangaroo?) I cannot begin to tell you how impressed I am by you. You are an inspiration. x

    1. I don't know, I am probably as jumpy as a kangaroo right now! ;)

  8. Happy New Year and remember to be kind to yourself. The new Roo is emerging a little everyday. It's not easy to embrace and welcome the freedoms you are experiencing when everything depends on you. You're doing great so far!

  9. Wishing you all the best in 2017, Roo.

  10. Happy New Year, sounds like your feeling Tiggerish x

  11. 2016 was the best year I have ever had and that all came about because I joined a gym at the end of 2015. I got myself a personal trainer. It's been good for me physically, mentally and emotionally. There is something about caring for yourself physically that spreads to other parts of your life. I started going to Pilates classes and found a passion. I recommend them to everyone I talk to. Definitely good for the mind as well as the body. Wishing you everything you want and more in 2017. Andrea

    1. Thanks Andrea - not sure I have the patience for Pilates. I am still too jangley. I am working on it!

  12. I too have followed your journey in 2016 and am continually amazed by your honesty and bravery. While I have not experienced half the heartache you have; I go to your blog when I need a dose of courage. Thank you Roo and keep on. Happy 2017 to us all.

  13. It was a challenging year for so many, but you had one of the biggest of all. And here you are, rising like a phoenix from the ashes to reinvent yourself. May this new year see many good results from those efforts and may your own happiness blossom!

  14. Enjoy being YOU ROO, Happy New Year xx

  15. Such an inspiring post. I realized that I have lost myself after years of taking care of Tim and our daughter (and everything else.) I forgot to take care of me. Prioritized myself right out of the picture. So, like you, 2017 is the year I have to find me again. I have to put myself back on the old priority list. Have a great year, ROO !!!

  16. Walk in grace in 2017. Now I need to lie down at the thought of cataloguing a yarn collection. ...... my ambition is to try and combine my pattern and fabric stash and produce something to wear....crisis of confidence.

  17. Happy New Year, wishing you a most excellent journey of self discovery. Be well and cheers!

  18. Enjoy the new part of your journey Roo. Have read your discoveries these last months and you are doing well. Baby steps. Happy New Year !

  19. Roo - you are inspiring - thank you! So much here resonates with me. Happy New Year and may 2017 bring good things. x