Who knew that simply getting on with life could be enough?
That the narrative can be found in the living of a life and in the being.
Rather than in the recording, the self-interrogation, the angst.
I remarked to the owner of these feet that I am relaxed.
That the tension has gone.
That I feel safe.
I am knitting: socks!
And my Lakeland Sweater.
I went to the Edinburgh Yarn Festival and bought some yarn.
And soon I will start to knit with it.
Or save it for a rainy day.
I am growing herbs in the kitchen, with a view to a window box.
I am making friends with a cat (who is not mine).
I am still at the gym most weekday mornings, but the compulsion is easing as I settle into my new body: the thinner, quieter, stronger one that I have built in the past year.
I have escaped the great hormonal storm which was fuelled by grief and rage and loneliness.
And now here I am, part of a very different couple from any that has come before.
The fight has gone right out of me.
Happy just to be.